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表格形式的书面表达写作方法探究

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 高考英语书面表达试题,要求学生根据所提供的情景写一篇100字左右的短文。提供情景,通常采用图画、图表和提纲等形式。图表形式又分为表格形式和图形形式。为了写出一篇优秀的文章,下面我们就以表格形式为例,谈谈如何增加该类文章的特色。
【题目】
 某家国内英文报纸设有一个求助信箱(Letters to Dr Helper)。请根据一份学生现状调查中列出的部分信息,以高三学生李明的身份给Dr Helper写一封英语短信。

学生现状
负担过重的原因
每日在校时间
9小时
考试压力大;
作业多;
家长期望高。
每日作业时间
34小时
每日课外活动时间
几乎没有
每日睡眠时间
不足

注意:
1、写信内容包括表中的所有信息,可适当发挥;
2、字数100个词左右;
3、参考词汇:overload 过重负担   pressure 压力    expectations 期望
学生习作
Dear Doctor Helper,
  I am Li Ming, a senior middle school student. Now I am writing to you. I need your help.
  Every day I must spend about 9 hours in school and do our exercises for three to four hours at home. We have less hours for play and activities outside class. Especially we don’t have enough sleep.
  The reason for this overload is because we have the pressure of examinations. We have too much homework to do. Our parents have high expectations for us. If we don’t do our best we won’t go to university. This pressure often makes us out of breath.
  Please save us! I am hoping you can give us some advice.
Yours sincerely,
Li Ming
点评
1、总体评价:
 本文基本完成了高考书面表达试题所规定的任务。用10来个句子覆盖了所有的基本要点,应用的语法结构和词汇能基本满足任务的要求;虽有些许词汇的搭配错误和句型的错误但不影响对全文意思的理解;虽语法结构简单,但全文内容基本连贯,能清楚的把信息传达给读者。因此,评分最多给一个第3档比较合适。
2、亮点或采分点:
 第一句用了一个同位语,即:a senior middle school student Li Ming 的同位语;另外用到了句型have some time for something have something to do;尤其还用了一个if 条件句;虽过多地使用了简单句,但使用的简单句大多数没有结构错误,且使用了一些表达准确的习惯用法,如:too much homeworkdo our bestout of breathgive us some advice等;还正确使用了spend动词和make动词;更难能可贵的是全文没有时态和语态错误。
3、错误更正:
1The reason for this overload is because … 应该是The reason for this overload is that …2have high expectations for us应该是 have high expectations of us
4、锦上添花:
1)、第一段过于啰嗦,应该直截了当点明主题。改成I am a senior studentnow in great need of your help because I can hardly stand the great pressure. 2)、第二段——扩展:用了一个并列句和二个简单句来表明其现状,但结构单调;首先最好把must 改为have to 更为贴切,且spend about 9 hours in school 这种直译改为stay at school for 9 hours to have lessons更符合英语习惯;再把do our exercises for three to four hours at home 改为spend at least three to four hours doing my homework at home;把We have less hours for play and activities outside class这种平铺直叙的句子应该改成We are eager to play and enjoy ourselves, but we hardly have any time to do what we want. 这样较为复杂的句子来生动地表达我们对这种现状的不满。3)、在表明原因时,又用了二个含有动词have 的句子,尽管表达意思清楚,但过多的重复就导致了本文给人一种语法结构简单的感觉,因此,可以改用直接使用另外一个简单句,即:There seem to be three cases about the overload: the pressure of examinations, too much homework and high expectations from the parents. 这样一来,虽然只用了一个简单句,可比原来使用的三个单句表达的意思要简洁、明了,且生动得多,同时也避免了一个词汇的搭配错误(expectations of …错成expectations for …)和一个句型的错误(The reason for … is that …错成The reason for … is because …);为了更加生动地表达造成这种压力的更深层的原因,在随后的一句的前面加上We are often warned that …,效果就大不一样,同时也与have to 相呼应;本来在适当发挥的那一句里无非是要表明不堪重负的程度,我们不妨试着用awake at night来替换out of breath,这样一改就更加支撑了主题(I can hardly stand the great pressure.)呼应了前面的We don’t have enough sleep. 仅改了这三个词,起到的作用就一举几得,何乐而不为呢? 4)、在结论句里无非就是向Dr Helper 倾吐一下自己的心声,想听听Dr Helper 的意见或建议,因此,用I write this letter only to wish I could have someone to talk to. I am looking forward to your advice. 就比原来的二句表达得更为恰当,结束得更自然,且用了一个较复杂的句式和一个较高级的短语,就使文章显得更加生动而有活力,同时也增强了文章的效果。
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参考范文
Dear Doctor Helper,
  I am a senior student, now in great need of your help because I can hardly stand the great pressure.
  Every day I have to stay at school for nine hours to have lessons and spend at least three to four hours doing my homework at home. We teenagers are eager to play and enjoy ourselves, but we hardly have any time to do what we ant. Besides, we don’t even have enough sleep.
  There seem to be three cases about the overload: the pressure of examinations, too much homework and high expectations from the parents. We are often warned that if we don’t do our best we won’t have the chance to go to university. The pressure often makes me awake at night.
  I write this letter only to wish I could have someone to talk to. I am looking forward to your advice.
                                                          Yours sincerely,
                                                          Li Ming
技巧点拨
 表格式的书面表达具备以下特点:
1、表格提示涉及面广(如人物介绍、地点介绍、新闻报道等);体裁多种多样(如记叙文、说明文、应用文等)。
2、与看图作文不同,表格提示需要表达的信息一览无遗。答题时既不需要花过多的时间去考虑写作内容,一般也不会遗漏要点。
3、表格中通常是以不完整的汉语句子作为提示,既能够让考生获得命题人所要求的信息,又留给考生一定的发挥空间。因此要求考生在答题时要注意以下几点:
1)避免填表式表达:
本篇书面表达有的考生在表达学生现状时就有可能表达为:
The time in school every day: 9 hours.
The time to do our homework every day: 3—4 hours.
2)避免硬译式表达:
表格中的汉语简洁,概括性强,表达时切忌逐字逐句翻译,简单罗列提示要点。
罗列式表达:
The time we spend in school every day is 9 hours and 3 to 4 hours to do our homework at home. The time to do outside activities is less and no time for sleep every night.
机械式重复:
We have less hours for play and activities outside class.…we don’t have enough sleep.
We have the pressure of examinations. We have too much homework to do. Our parents have high expectations of us.
3)避免单句式表达:
 高考书面表达不同于单句翻译。有些同学表达时只注意了单个句子的完整性,忽略了句子与句子之间的衔接以及整个语篇的连贯性,致使全文逻辑性不强,可读性差。试比较:
原句:We have less hours for play and activities outside class. Especially we don’t have enough sleep.
修正:We are eager to play and enjoy ourselves, but we hardly have any time to do what we want. Besides, we don’t even have enough sleep.
分析:原句过渡不自然,句式重复,读起来单调、呆板;修正句使用了较复杂的句子,使意义逐步深化;巧妙地使用了过渡成分,前后连贯,结构紧凑。尽管前后句里都包含有动词have 的句子,但修正句读起来就比原句生动得多,且自然,从而收到了满意的表达效果。
4)避免唯序式表达:
 表达时切忌完全按照表格内容出现的先后顺序来写。应从语篇角度统筹安排所要表达的内容,必要时在表达顺序上作适当调整,目的是使全文重点突出,通顺连贯。
5)避免啰嗦式开头:
 主题句位于文章开头,这是英语民族的思维习惯。一篇书面表达只能有一个主题。主题句用来概括大意,表明作者的观点态度,或提出作者的写作意图,是中心思想的体现,它限制着主题在整篇文章中讨论的范围,文章的发展模型,既是文章的纲领,也是文章的核心。而主题句的好坏直接关系到整篇文章的成与败。因此,点明主题要开门见山。像写书信,开头常用的句型有:I am writing to tell you about …; I’d like to tell you something about …; I am writing to get more information about …; I would like to know something about …; I wonder if …; Would you like to tell me whether …? I would like to know if …等等,当然也有不用这些方式的,如本篇文章就是用的 … now in great need of your help ….
6)避免生硬式结尾:
 结论句亦称总结句,它标志着文章的结束。它可以用来重述主题、提供问题的解决方法、对未来进行预测、提出问题让读者思考、或对全文内容加以概括。但并不是所有的文章都需要结论句,也可以采取自然结束的方式。如本文的结尾就是根据所述的现状和引起这种现状的原因希望得到Dr Helper 的建议从而得到帮助而自然结束,这也是本文所要达到的目的。
因此,考生在答题时要根据不同的文章,运用不同的结尾方式。常用的结尾方法:(1)重申主题;(2)归纳全文要点,使概念明确;3)总结推断,升华为结论;(4)引用权威言论,支持主题;(5)提出问题、启发读者思考。
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